Fading

None of us is getting any younger. 

The heartbreak of having a beloved pet is determining when they are telling you that they want to be done.  No one I know has ever admitted to letting go too soon, in fact, the tendency is to hold on to our family pet just a little too long.

Still, it is a personal decision between me and my pet. When they falter, struggle, and no longer enjoy their existence, we deal with it with mercy and compassion no matter the cost to the human involved.

If there is still another treat to be enjoyed, still another sunbeam to nap in, still another toy to play with, still a spark for living, then my pets will be allowed to enjoy the time they have left. If that poses an inconvenience to anyone else, too bad.

An elderly pet requires lots more supportive care than a younger pet. (as does any elderly being.) But, I am willing to do that for any of my pets when it becomes necessary. They really don't owe me anything, in truth, I owe them. 

My pets have been steady and faithful.  They forgive me when I am not at my best, which is often.  They give me company and love.  They make me laugh, they help me smile, and yes, sometimes they can irritate me.  I am sure I irritate them, as well.  More than anything they are important companions and live on in our hearts even when they are gone.

So, until the time comes, we'll just take it slow and savor the happy times. 

Nesting on the Ground

Last evening, I had the rare privilege to come across a woodcock or timber doodle nest.  The mom flushed off the nest in the deep grass when I got too close.

What is more vulnerable than nesting on ground?  I have been thinking of this all day.  Is it vulnerability or is it just trust?  Maybe it's hope? Bravery?  Or is it just the way nature is.  The ground birds are just playing the hand that nature has dealt them.

Besides the Woodcock,Ducks, Pheasants, Grouse, Meadowlarks, Killdeer, Quail, Geese, Sand hill Cranes are just a few of the ground nesting birds I can think of.

Shortly after pondering this, I went outside to take the dog out.  There was a doe that was hesitant to leave the area, in spite of the dog barking wildly.  Two more steps revealed a tiny baby fawn curled in the grass.  I brought the dog in and got my camera.  What a delicate, beautiful little baby!  The little guy noticed me and he stoop up.  He finally decided to toodle away after i tickled his tiny chin.
Later, I observed the doe return a couple of times to the place she had left him.  Soon, she looked off to the East, and there he was, calling her and making his way back to her.  It was a happy reunion.

Another little helpless baby on the ground.  It makes me respect all the mommas out there in the wild.  They raise those lil babies with so many threats

have some FUN

Today is the hottest day in the world.  I never remember it being this hot.  But, still, it is much better than winter.

As part of my quest to move on, I signed up for some watercolor classes.  The first class was Friday, July 12 and today, the 19th was the last class.
I left disappointed after the first class, but did my homework and attended the second class.  There are lots of possibilities and this "medium" is exciting to me.  I hope to keep working and learning.  Meanwhile...here are the early works.  The first two do not thrill me, but I am noticing progress, which DOES thrill me!

And finally, the one piece of homework that I was very happy with:

Today's (Friday)

THEN, on SATURDAY, I did the following painting, which i really like:

All I Ever Wanted--a poem to my boys

all
i
ever
wanted
was to be your
mom

all
i
ever
wanted
was for you to be
happy

if
you
remember me
from
time
to
time
that
would
be nice
too

happy new year

Here comes my birthday
It is my official New Years Day
This is when I make all those resolutions I will fail to keep.  :(
It is mid march, and I am going to start listing some before I settle on my final list.
So, here goes in no particular order:

Less screen time
Stop obsessing-Indeed.com, etc.
 BE In the moment
less FRANTIC-ness
roll with it
125 or less
forget about the back pain
get fit

be a better:
daughter
mom
wife
friend
sister

Start the day sharing my many gifts.  (thank you Pinterest)-positive affirmations. Gratitude
be in charge of my stuff ONLY
Make the pup into a great dog....TRAINING
OUT with the OLD to make room for the new
ACCEPTANCE

Why?

Just returned from my chilly Arizona winter vacation.  And, as it was last year, winter here shows absolutely no sign of letting up.  Terrible blizzard last weekend and temps all less than ten degrees as far as I can see the forecast.

Blue yummy, the little Vibe that served our family well for many years has been totaled by a damn deer.  As I write, the sad little car sits in the driveway awaiting the flatbed that will take it away.  That's hard to take.  It's only the front left quarter of the poor thing that is ruined, but the repairs will cost more than it is worth (on the market, although, for some reason, it is worth MORE to me)

The dogs, especially Camo, are going stir crazy in the house.  Why in the hell I decided to take him on, I will NEVER know.  Don;t really love that dog.  I have decided that dogs with liver noses, lips, eyeliner, etc. are just plain crazy.  And those amber/yellow eyes.  ew.   He thinks it will be grand to chase cars and now I need to try somehow to nip that bad habit in the bud.

AND I hate my job.

It's not looking good.
nope.
Give me springtime.
please

You've been doing it wrong....

Ok.  Really?  I just need to get this out of my head and putting it on "paper" seems to help.
I have been battling back pain for a couple years.  I may have written about it.  In my last ditch effort, before I just give up, I went to a PT who is a Postural Restoration practitioner.

Sounds like the ticket, doesn't it?

Not so much.  Strange, subtle exercises designed to wake up my left hamstring the outside right hip.  On and on.  Practiced these exercises everyday for about 7 weeks with no discernible difference.
I asked her and she says I may expect results in 3 months.  THREE MONTHS?  Please.  Then she added more triceps exercises.

The concept seems to be that I am floppy and too loose.  "Hanging by my ligments" and not using my muscles to support myself actively.  How in the hell can I change this?  I am standing wrong....sitting wrong....everything.

Today, I give up. I am going to forge my own path.  I am going to start my own strengthening program and with any luck will be soon be able to be back on track.

Three different massage therapists.
Three different physical therapists.
Three different chiropractors.
FOUR different pain relievers....vitamin I (ibuprofen), naproxen, aspirin, Tylenol.

This is up to me from here on out! AND the Thermotex infrared heating pad twice a day.
I've got this!