Hahahahahha
I was just sent a photo from the 40 year class reunion of the Webster High School graduating class of 1978. (the class included me, however, I did not attend the reunion. More on that later).
WE are the old people. *sigh*
There were NINE people in attendance, which begs the question-did everyone else die already?
From what I can tell of the photo and who I am able to identify, those in attendance were not the snooty people. I was afraid they would be, so that is one of the big reasons I did not go. In hindsight, that most likely makes me ONE of the snooty ones.
At my age, I feel happy to say I don't care what others think any more. I am who I am and I am what I am. But I guess deep down I really do care. I don't feel like I am enough.
Did I do enough?
Did I achieve enough?
Do I look nice enough?
What does that mean? What, really, is enough?
The last time I went to a reunion was the 20 year reunion. At that time, my kids were very small. The reunion was better attended and I had a perfectly nice time.
Can 20 more years really have passed?
I guess the truth is time passes and no one is looking or judging, unless you want to judge yourself. It is never too late to turn it around if ANY of those questions can not be answered the way you want to answer them.
Now, that is something to think about. It appears to be time to get to work...…..
Sunday, October 14, 2018
Saturday, August 11, 2018
To My Good and Faithful Old Pets
The Last
Battle
If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
... Then will you do what must be done,
For this -- the last battle -- can't be won.
You will be sad I understand,
But don't let grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.
We have had so many happy years,
You wouldn't want me to suffer so.
When the time comes, please, let me go.
Take me to where to my needs they'll tend,
Only, stay with me till the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree
It is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don't grieve that it must be you
Who has to decide this thing to do;
We've been so close -- we two -- these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.
If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
... Then will you do what must be done,
For this -- the last battle -- can't be won.
You will be sad I understand,
But don't let grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.
We have had so many happy years,
You wouldn't want me to suffer so.
When the time comes, please, let me go.
Take me to where to my needs they'll tend,
Only, stay with me till the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree
It is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don't grieve that it must be you
Who has to decide this thing to do;
We've been so close -- we two -- these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.
GMGP
Saying good bye.
Personally, I do not say good bye until I know it's the last time I will see someone. Usually, it's "See you later" or some phrase like that. To me, good bye implies such finality.
But yesterday, it was indeed Good Bye.
Good bye to my husband's dad. He was finally able to be at peace after the last unpleasant months of his life. He was fading away with dementia The family had to move him to a Memory Care living place in May of 2015. It was really a fancy nursing home, I guess.
We were called last Sunday, Jan 24, because Hospice Care had determined the end was near. On Thursday, Jan 28, he passed away. He was released from his pain and confusion at last.
So good bye, my dear father-in-law. May peace finally be with you.
God speed, GMGP.
Personally, I do not say good bye until I know it's the last time I will see someone. Usually, it's "See you later" or some phrase like that. To me, good bye implies such finality.
But yesterday, it was indeed Good Bye.
Good bye to my husband's dad. He was finally able to be at peace after the last unpleasant months of his life. He was fading away with dementia The family had to move him to a Memory Care living place in May of 2015. It was really a fancy nursing home, I guess.
We were called last Sunday, Jan 24, because Hospice Care had determined the end was near. On Thursday, Jan 28, he passed away. He was released from his pain and confusion at last.
So good bye, my dear father-in-law. May peace finally be with you.
God speed, GMGP.
There's a last time for everything.
There is a poem I read a while back. Then there was the song.
There's a last time for everything.
The point is that most of the time YOU DON'T KNOW its the last time.
Let that sink in a while.
Yesterday was a last time. It was one of those times that one could have known, but could not be sure. It was the NCAA Midwest Wrestling competition. This is the one that determined if my oldest son was going to be able to fulfill his long time goal of competing at Nationals in Cleveland, Ohio. He is a senior this year and this has long been one of his goals. His wrestling career was winding down and it would all be determined this day.
After a tough day of competition, it was not to be. Our son lost 2 matches and won 1. He would not be moving on to the next day of competition.
This kid has guts and drive. To see him lose that final match tore out my heart. I could see he was beyond disappointed as he left the mat.
And, just like that. It was the last time. The last time watching him grapple, the last time being a spectator all day long in a too hot or too cold gymnasium with terribly uncomfortable seating. The last day hearing him called to be on deck. The last time watching him lose or be victorious in this sport that he has worked at with such heart and grit.
I saw him in the hall afterwards. It was obvious that he had taken quite a while to collect himself. And we had a nice big hug. I let him go into the gym to see his dad and his 2 very good friends from high school. When I finally went in there, he was leaning on his good friend and the three of them were visiting. I am sure that the friends were just the comfort he needed. We left and he remained sitting with his buddies and I knew he was going to shake it off and be just fine. It was really good to see those guys, who traveled a long way to watch, wait to see him after the matches.
The new "first time" happened after his first match, he came to me with his phone and showed me the email. He was indeed invited for an interview at Graduate school. He looked so excited and so relieved. The application to PT grad school is grueling, not as grueling as wrestling, but there are so many requirements to fulfill. The process started last spring. So, there. That was a first in the middle of the many firsts now on this cold, sunny day in Minneapolis.
There's a last time for everything.
The point is that most of the time YOU DON'T KNOW its the last time.
Let that sink in a while.
Yesterday was a last time. It was one of those times that one could have known, but could not be sure. It was the NCAA Midwest Wrestling competition. This is the one that determined if my oldest son was going to be able to fulfill his long time goal of competing at Nationals in Cleveland, Ohio. He is a senior this year and this has long been one of his goals. His wrestling career was winding down and it would all be determined this day.
It was a promise by my husband, that he would travel to Cleveland if Joe were to compete there.
After a tough day of competition, it was not to be. Our son lost 2 matches and won 1. He would not be moving on to the next day of competition.
This kid has guts and drive. To see him lose that final match tore out my heart. I could see he was beyond disappointed as he left the mat.
And, just like that. It was the last time. The last time watching him grapple, the last time being a spectator all day long in a too hot or too cold gymnasium with terribly uncomfortable seating. The last day hearing him called to be on deck. The last time watching him lose or be victorious in this sport that he has worked at with such heart and grit.
I saw him in the hall afterwards. It was obvious that he had taken quite a while to collect himself. And we had a nice big hug. I let him go into the gym to see his dad and his 2 very good friends from high school. When I finally went in there, he was leaning on his good friend and the three of them were visiting. I am sure that the friends were just the comfort he needed. We left and he remained sitting with his buddies and I knew he was going to shake it off and be just fine. It was really good to see those guys, who traveled a long way to watch, wait to see him after the matches.
The new "first time" happened after his first match, he came to me with his phone and showed me the email. He was indeed invited for an interview at Graduate school. He looked so excited and so relieved. The application to PT grad school is grueling, not as grueling as wrestling, but there are so many requirements to fulfill. The process started last spring. So, there. That was a first in the middle of the many firsts now on this cold, sunny day in Minneapolis.
College graduation this spring! And on to a lifetime of new first times and last times!
Wednesday, February 28, 2018
Plus ten....
I have been searching for a dog to add to the household.
I think.
I have enjoyed the small dog which I have had for a year and a half, but since he is a rescue, he does have some issues. He is definitely NOT a perfect dog, but he fits in here. My husband reminds me that I did not raise this dog and that is why he has some behavioral quirks. He sure does.
He is a walking list of Pros and Cons, that is for sure. On the up side, he is perfectly housebroken and usually doesn't bother the cat. He is smart and polite for the most part. I won't list his flaws, and I am sure he would not list mine, none of us is perfect.
Now, ever since I lost my dog Bravo, unexpectedly, I have had a great sadness. He has been gone since October 2016. I have wasted lots of time on the internet, I have wasted lots of days with this stupid back pain, and I have been searching for something. I tentatively thought about a brand new little poodle pup. I had an adult tiny poodle here ONE day around Christmas time. I got him as another used dog, but he attacked Spanky TWICE....full out, no hesistation. I returned him to the rescue. I did not want to deal with it. In retrospect, that wasn't fair to the little guy. I looked into little poodle puppies at a kennel near my home. Fortunately, that was right in the middle of planning our visit to Arizona, so I delayed buying one. I thought I would continue with the process, once I returned. Better yet, I had hoped that the idea would pass. The winter is long here in MN and one searches for bright spots where one can find them! Anyway, in the meantime, I found a litter of...wait for it....Standard Poodle pups in Owatonna.
I tried to resist them. Lots of reasons NOT to get a puppy. Especially a large breed again. But, I buckled and offered to buy Bronn. He will be 12 weeks old when I get him after work, this week, on Friday.
I don't know what I was thinking. Long ago, I decided I do not have the patience for a puppy. They are usually so stupid. They need to learn EVERYTHING. It's hard to teach a baby dog to be an acceptable household member in the human world. That, and I do not have a tub big enough to bathe him. We'll see what happens. I sure hope this was the right decision.
Sunday, February 25, 2018
2017 Redux
I think I will remember 2017 as the year I got old.
This isn't exactly a glowing memory for the year. Maybe its just the empty nest syndrome talking, I don't know. That could be it. I think that both of my boys are now off making their way in this big, wide world. I don't think they will be back here to live. Nick is in Winona and Joe is in Moorhead. As of now, it's a world I do not trust. It does not feel like a safe world, but we will do what we can.
As this is written, both boys are home for Christmas. It occurred to me today that this is probably one of the last times we will all be in our home together, as the family we used to be. We all have changed so much. The boys seem to take so much glee in laughing at their old fashioned parents. Now that is the polite term I have chosen. They seem much more harsh about it. The first few days are quite tough when they are here, and I wonder if my own parents went through this. I suppose they did, but I like to hope that I never made them feel this way. I like to think that my kids are special and above acting like savages and things are finally settling down a but for the first few days it was college kid chaos around here.
Soon the house will be empty again and the quiet routine will descend upon us for the horribly long MN winter.....
This is the year that I have had back pain ALL year long. I have been doing what I can to get rid of it. It saps my energy, it saps my drive, it saps my ambition. I have had a few days every now and again with no pain. That gives me hope that I am going to be able to work my way out of it. This is a slow process, but I think I will be able to build the strength and counteract the effects of the sedentary job that I have.
I am a week away from a failed attempt at giving a little brown poodle a home. I gave him ONE day here. In retrospect, it probably wasn't fair to the dog, but I probably didn't need another dog anyway.
This isn't exactly a glowing memory for the year. Maybe its just the empty nest syndrome talking, I don't know. That could be it. I think that both of my boys are now off making their way in this big, wide world. I don't think they will be back here to live. Nick is in Winona and Joe is in Moorhead. As of now, it's a world I do not trust. It does not feel like a safe world, but we will do what we can.
As this is written, both boys are home for Christmas. It occurred to me today that this is probably one of the last times we will all be in our home together, as the family we used to be. We all have changed so much. The boys seem to take so much glee in laughing at their old fashioned parents. Now that is the polite term I have chosen. They seem much more harsh about it. The first few days are quite tough when they are here, and I wonder if my own parents went through this. I suppose they did, but I like to hope that I never made them feel this way. I like to think that my kids are special and above acting like savages and things are finally settling down a but for the first few days it was college kid chaos around here.
Soon the house will be empty again and the quiet routine will descend upon us for the horribly long MN winter.....
This is the year that I have had back pain ALL year long. I have been doing what I can to get rid of it. It saps my energy, it saps my drive, it saps my ambition. I have had a few days every now and again with no pain. That gives me hope that I am going to be able to work my way out of it. This is a slow process, but I think I will be able to build the strength and counteract the effects of the sedentary job that I have.
I am a week away from a failed attempt at giving a little brown poodle a home. I gave him ONE day here. In retrospect, it probably wasn't fair to the dog, but I probably didn't need another dog anyway.
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